The worst thing I’ve ever done to myself, was something I didn’t see coming. All I did was make a spontaneous suggestion, and two years later, it’s still haunting me.
I had absolutely no intention of ever falling in love with one of my best friends, and yet I did. I didn’t like him at first; at all really. But over time, he grew on me. A few months later, he was all I could think about. I loved him in a different way. It wasn’t lusty and urgent, but it was consistent, and strong.
There was a friend that was moving away around the time we split up, this guy and I. We were both upset over the loss of a good friend, and romance seemed to much to handle.
I took the breakup pretty well I think. An hour after it happened, we were at the pool, swimming and having fun like we used to, Everything seemed alright. We’d get back together eventually.
He didn’t dump me for nothing. I had known he was Bi-sexual, but I didn’t know that he had gone completely gay. He left me for another friend of mine, and I didn’t find out until three months later, after all of my friends did.
The worst part is that two years later, I still feel for him. He changed my perspective on certain things. He was a huge influence on who i’ve become. He’s a part of me, and it really fucking sucks that i’ll never be a part of him.
No matter how close I stand to him, or how fondly i touch him, nothing changes. I’m so close to him, and yet i’m the farthest away. Powerless. He is the only person I can submit to happily, and the only person I can respect. I’m most comfortable around him, and we both have the most fun. He’s stronger than me, and I don’t care for once. When we move together, it’s so fluid and natural, and yet, there’s this barrier.
I love someone else.
And he loves something else.
I will never go back to him.
But I’ll always wish that somehow I could.
